It’s one of those days. 12:00 and a beer has been cracked open. Would’ve opened it at 10:00 but my house cleaner is here. One of those days.

My eldest woke at 3:00am and was so inconsolable that I grabbed Fox, fumbled my sore ass out of bed, and sauntered into the living room to put on Elmo and allow my hard working husband to get more sleep before work. More cries and toddler screams of exhaustion ensue. I put on Barney. I try to relax sitting up on my couch gripping my 6 week old with a motherly Kung Fu grip to keep him safe from flailing toddler. Hysteria stops. 5:00am rolls up, he’s still wide awake. I move to recliner, my couch is rubbish. Johncarl freaks out but eventually settles back on the couch. My torn/strained ab muscle is throbbing. I close my eyes. Finally fully awake by 8:00am. 

House cleaner comes at 10:00am. I already need drink because… Becsuse… Well I don’t think I need to explain the because – you feel me. 11:00am is naptime. Johncarl screams in crib till noon. I get him up, my sweet cleaner sees me break down in tears. How humiliating. SOS. She’s lovely and gets it, promises she will still come back in the future. I open beer, con Johncarl back to the bedroom to sit on my bed and watch Elmo till he, God willing, passes out. And then I can eat/drink/pray/call my mother for solace. These are challenging times. (And just FYI, he never passed out.)

I google “why is my toddler waking at 3am” and read a very poignant yet simple statement on a forum: THIS IS A PHASE.

It’s a phase. It’ll end. I will find relief once again in a reasonable waking time each day. This bullshit phase of night terrors/tantrums/terrible twos/incessant screaming will end! But with that will also end many sweet things, and so I find myself emotionally torn in two conflicting, opposite directions. The lovely things about this age will also phase out and into new lovely things as he gets older – much like the things that, at present moment, drive me batshit crazy (I swear he is Stewie and trying to kill me). We’ll get into a groove, but right now I truly feel like I’m living out some of the most challenging days of my life. 

Ahhhhh, parenthood. What a shit day, but at the same time, how precious. I know one day I will look back on this phase with a nostalgic heart and miss the post-tantrum cuddles (not so much the tantrums), wishing for them to come back again. 

Jesus, take the wheel and help me appreciate these hard days where I think I’m failing and feel like this phase is neverending.

Time to buck up and move on. Put on the big girl panties and keep going. 

If you’re having a rough day, I hope it gets better. We can do this, people. We can do this!


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