“We shall have no better conditions in the future if we are satisfied with all those which we have at present.” -Thomas Edison
Lately I’ve been finding myself sitting on my ass (which until this week I’ve actually had to do more often than not in the last 8 weeks) wondering this simple question:
Am I doing my best?
We often say “I did my best,” or “I’ll try my best,” or “I’m doing my best,” but how often is that actually true? How often are we actually doing our best and not just using the phrase as an excuse?
I have been haunted by this question since Fox was born, it’s been an annoying little thorn in my side that I’ve been painfully avoiding answerinf until a few days ago. I finally decided, “Ok, Karly. Look in the mirror. Are you doing your best?” Simply put, the answer was a stark “No.”
I generally try to keep up with my responsibilities, I do a decent job of keeping the house together, I keep my kids alive and loved, my teeth brushed and at least make the bed every day. I don’t have an issue being neglectful, but I realized that, in a nutshell, I’ve become complacent and unmotivated. I have taken a hard look at myself and asked the following questions:
- When’s the last time I tried to improve myself? Physically/spiritually/mentally?
- When’s the last time I proactively tried to improve my marriage?
- Am I giving my kids all of the attention and effort they need and deserve from me?
- Am I doing my best in anything?
Or am I just fulfilling the amount of responsibility necessary to maintain?
I think it’s safe to admit that I really have just been doing what’s required to get by and not giving LIFE my full potential. Survival mode from having babies has mutated into it’s ugly cousin: COMPLACENCY. I’ve been treading water for what feels like an eternity, I haven’t been moving forwards or backwards, simply remaining where I am. And it’s bullshit. And there’s no excuse for it.
I feel like I’ve woken up from a really long, deep sleep – a sleep that has lasted far longer than I should have allowed. There’s so many reasons that we become complacent with life – maybe we’ve suffered an emotional trauma, a physical impediment, a break-up, a job-loss, an illness, a major life change, exhaustion (especially from little slee terrorists), WHATEVER. It’s too easy to get stuck in that complacency, and life is too short to live in it. I am ready to move out of the sea of complacency and lackluster, and I want you to know that you can too, darling.
I explained all of this to my husband, everything I’ve been processing, everything I’ve had to acknowledge and admit to myself. It felt so freeing to just admit that “sometimes I’m a grumpy, lazy bitch” because as soon as I spoke the words, I knew that the complacency of sitting in my grumpy/lazy/bitchyness didn’t really have any power anymore. I don’t have to be a grumpy, lazy bitch! I can be a happy, motivated, successful, bad bitch! YASSSSSS!
So this is me – starting to do my best. This is me FINALLY feeling motivated, feeling my potential, feeling my responsibility to be the best I can be and liking it. This is me showing up every day, putting on my big girl panties, and slapping a monster smile on my face – ready to kick today’s and everyday’s ass.